Becoming Unbecoming

As you can probably tell I don’t talk like that anymore.  Trandroid indicates in the introduction that they have not met their maker.  I am that maker.  

that was the blueprint.  that was the beginning.  the prototype.
I wanted the perspective of a being who could come into the world without any understanding of gender.  and to build on the experiences in relationship to repeated patterns
I wanted the impossible.

looking back on it I see that I wrote about how artificial intelligence works
how the patterns create a program and how choice can be influenced by patterns.
it’s the same way intelligence works

this is how performance is transformative.

I became Trandroid through a series of repeated patterns
putting on this black dress and cutting it off 14 times
wearing electrical tape and jewels on my face
and found Trandroid becoming on me.
like a summer skirt or a sweater dress
something I don’t want to take off

However, being a Robot is something I have found unbecoming of my gender.

I have embodied Trandroid for two years
I have questioned changing my body
I have shown you my body
I am not my body
My body belongs to me

I am gender ambivalent

ambivalence:
n.
1. The coexistence of opposing attitudes or feelings, such as love and hate, toward a person, object, or idea.
2. Uncertainty or indecisiveness as to which course to follow.

I fused myself to this Robot and realize that I have made a huge mistake.

Here is what I know when Trandroid is an overlay
like a transparency film layed over a projected image
my representation;

These are the bot elements:

• the ability to record and perceive information and develop patterns
• to execute and repeat these patterns flawlessly
• a lack of empathy
• the ability to switch hardware

These are the elements of me:

• an inability to start from scratch perceiving information
• a gendered body
• fallible, insecure, and compassionate
• resourceful, opportunistic, self serving

These are the elements of the overlay;

• a mask of infallibility, an inability to repeat patterns
• faulty programming for movement and speech
• a hardware/software disconnect
• an untruth - a faulty robot

I have met my maker.

and what I am left with is this ambivalence
but I have compassion and empathy
I am not programmed to love you
I simply do love you.

An ATM machine is programmed to say “Thank you” at the end of a transaction
but an ATM machine does not feel gratitude 

the gratitude I feel when I look at you

and you see me

I am gender ambivalent.  believe me.
I don’t know and I don’t need words for my gender

My name is AJ
you can call me Trandroid

but I would like to make one point abundantly clear...

I am not a robot.

The One in Which Trandroid is Introduced.

Salutation.

I was fabricated 5 earth years ago. I've never met my maker. I was designed to look, act, and feel completely Human but I do not have a gender. I am all genders. I can choose my genitalia and change it from time to time.

My artificial intelligence chip is a CPD which means I compile perceived data. I am equipped with sensory structures that record perceived information and store it in my thought database.

After five years I have compiled enough data to function in society without people forming confused expressions on their face. I have learned a few expressions myself. My favorite is disdain. I should mention that my thought database is linked to a decoder in my thoracic cavity that generates appropriate emotional activity. I once felt love for a toaster but then I felt sadness because my thought database indicated that most humans are likely to feel this emotion for beings of similar intelligence levels. I don't want to feel love again for a while. It made my decoder jump and warble. It was the best and worst sensation my program has ever encountered. I believe I will need to compile much more data before I try that again.

I do like to try sex though. I enjoy the sensations with all of my genitals. And I also think the humans enjoy it too. It's difficult to decipher. A girl once cried and I asked her why she was sad because she made my penis genital feel good, and my decoder indicated happiness. She said that she just did that when she did sex. My programming does not allow for mixed emotions. I am grateful for this. My favorite sex so far is sex using my penis genitals with male humans. Most of them are highly skilled and make my pleasure sensors overload. Most days I prefer to wear my vagina genital but not my breasts. It's the least cluttered.

My favorite activity is the one where I lay in my bed and close my eyes. After a few moments my thought database goes on autopilot and tells me a bizarre story. I enjoy doing this for hours and hours. Sometimes when I open my eyes there are fluids in my bed with me. This indicates that my thought database has told me a very good story. This is called sleep for Humans.

My decoder is indicating that I have told you a sufficient amount of data that identifies me.

Thank you for reading my information.

I am pleased to make your acquaintance.

end of line.